Wordy; thoughts and things

It all started with a letter to BC Ferries

Today I write to remember.

Something pretty awesome happened to the Howk family last week and the best way I know to memorialize it is by blogging about it. So this is for me, my family, you readers and mostly BC Ferries.

To begin: a tiny bit of history. For the past 12 years, we have loved visiting my dad and stepmom at their home on beautiful Mayne Island, British Columbia. In order to get to Mayne, one must take a ferry (or be a world class swimmer with no fear of sea life.) Noah became very fond of BC Ferries and over the years took such an interest that he spent quite a lot of time studying them and even doing a class presentation on them. IMG_4833Just last year my folks sold their Mayne home and relocated to the impressive city of Victoria. In order to get there, one must also take a ferry, being that Victoria is on Vancouver Island. But here’s the thing: there is a much closer ferry for us to take and therefore it eliminated our need for BC Ferries specifically. And so, Noah was sad. I decided to write a letter to tell them how much Noah loves them and also request information about when Noah’s favorite ferry, Queen of Nanaimo, is retiring, which we knew would be this year but not much else. I didn’t expect anything in return, other than to perhaps be put on a mailing list.

But then!

The day before we left for our trip, the most lovely lady phoned from BC Ferries. She was exceedingly kind and pleased to have received the letter. She invited Noah to come to the headquarters office in downtown Victoria to tour the Operations and Security Centre. We were thrilled for the invitation. So our first day in Victoria we hopped on the Harbour Ferry (water taxi) from the condo at Fisherman’s Wharf, walked a few metro blocks, and arrived for the tour. This is where the blogging ends and the thanking begins….

To Deborah, Captain Jamie, Jasmine and the Operations/Security Team: IMG_4812My goodness! We knew that Canadians were polite, but you were incredible. You welcomed Noah into your work space as if he were your own. You played off of his enthusiasm and offered information mixed with encouragement. You tipped his professional-aspirations scale from NFL to (I’d say, the equally challenging) maritime captain. You showered him in branded loot, made phone calls on his behalf, and advised us of the world’s best chocolate dipped granola bars. Thank you for being so great. What we thought was awesome and more than enough turned out to be the beginning of quite the journey, completely thanks to you.

To Captain Knoblauch, afternoon Captain, morning/evening Crews of the Skeena Queen:IMG_4824You know how to make a boy feel like a celebrity. When we completed our time a the headquarters, we were honored to be gifted with a pass to take Skeena Queen to Salt Spring Island where Noah’s favorite Queen of Nanaimo would be docked for a short bit. The folks at the main office arranged for us to come onto the bridge of Skeena for a tour, but you made it so much more. You were knowledgable and gracious hosts. Thank you for the insights into what it takes to maneuver your vessel, how to successfully blow Skenna’s whistle, and for demonstrating that even ferry boat captains like english muffins and preserves.

To Superintendant/Captain McKay, Captain Lam, and Nanaimo Crew: IMG_4837Once we arrived at the Queen of Nanaimo it felt like home. We have taken this ferry for so many years that it feels like visiting an elderly relative. (Sorry Nanaimo, we love you but you are getting up there in age.) Your crew offered a tour deluxe! We saw all sorts of things that we never even knew were on a ferry; thanks for taking the time to show us all around. It was fun for Noah to use the (tele???) machine to communicate with the engine room. And oh! The engine room. Where the nitty-gritty takes place, where one may choose to hang out if they want long term hearing loss, where shafts turn and pistons pump. It was a spectacle and we felt privileged to see it. IMG_4825Thank you to all of you on the Nanaimo, this very well could be Noah’s last visit before she’s sold at auction and you made his time memorable. You also showed that when a car breaks down on the deck, it can require quite the orchestra of personnel to get it cleared out. Noah watched you pull away and spoke a quiet “goodbye Nanaimo” as you took your departure. You are a good ship and you’ve served us well.

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To Gramps and to Gracie:

Gramps, thanks for coming along on this whole journey. I was so happy for Noah to have this opportunity and you reminded me of that when I said that I was somewhat bummed about only having one full day to check out Victoria before we returned home after spending the better part of two days on BC Ferries. You are right, it was a once in a lifetime opportunity for a lad who will never forget how a single letter turned into such an adventure. To Gracie Girl, I know you wanted to shop and sightsee and maybe even ride one of those horse drawn carriages near the parliament building, but instead you were a sweet sister who kindly came along for the journey. You’re a champ.

BC Ferries. My blog isn’t big enough to express my gratitude. What is a company to you is a passion to my son and you greeted that perfectly. Many thanks and much appreciation.

One last thing: Captain Jamie was absolutely correct. Embe Bakery on Salt Spring Island has the best chocolate granola bars in the world. Great recommendation!Image 7-9-17 at 3.42 PM (2)

 

What I learned at school this year.

Another school year is coming to a close. (FINALLY! Thanks to snow days, we had an added extra week and I was fairly convinced that the school year would end precisely when the next school year was beginning.) This was my third year working for the local school district as an Educational Assistant. Here is a list of the things I learned at school this year.

  1. In order to effectively communicate with fellow staff members, one must master the art of drive-by conversations. I’m heading here, you’re heading there, so we have approximately 10 seconds of passing time to outline our plan for the rest of the day. Also, by the way, my coworkers are the very best, as evidenced by the photo below. 14915668_10211282201915234_8405853642645992573_n
  2. Kids are blissfully unaware of winter and painfully aware of summer. Three feet of snow? Heck yes! Let’s slide down this snowplowed slope in our jeans, which will remain wet for the rest of day. But who cares? Its fun and we’re kids. Ninety degrees? We are wilting and incapable of doing anything other than sitting in the shade. I guess this is a Bend thing, because lets face it, its winter here like most of the time.IMG_4683
  3. Kids can get excited about pretty much anything that their teacher is excited about. True, I’m not a certified teacher, so I am using this word loosely. We can take the word ‘bones’ from the lesson map and have a fascinating conversation about how many bones are in the human body. We can randomly select a book about honey bees and discover a whole world about how bees dance to communicate with each other. My little three years worth of experience has lead me to believe that the vast majority of kids are eager to learn when their teacher is excited to learn alongside them.
  4. It doesn’t matter how many times you tell a first grader that “cutted” isn’t really a proper word, they will incessantly use it after their classmate “cutted” them in line. The word “cutted” is best used with the accompaniment of tears, because who likes to be “cutted” in line anyway?!
  5. It is still cool to chase each eachother on the playground. They stole this one straight out of the Dry Hollow Elementary playbook, where I grew up. Wall-ball and jumprope are also both also still very much in fashion. Insider tip: joining in on recess games makes recess duty WAY more fun.

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    Occasionally I get sweet notes from students. This is from one of my favorite students, my ‘dotre’ G. (My 2nd grade daughter, Gracie.)

  6. When there is an opportunity to participate in a staff event, participate. You just might end up getting free ukulele lessons from the insanely talented music teacher and then perform Beatles music for the whole school.
  7. Similarly, when there is a staff party, attend. Because you might be lucky enough to witness your coworkers dancing the night away (and I mean DANCING!) in the midst of onlookers in their mid 20s. Their inquisitive glances indicated that they either thought that the dance moves where on fire, or shocked that those people were up past 11:00pm. Honestly, I was shocked that we were up past 11:00pm. Midnight, to be exact.
  8.  When there is a risk to take, take it. After three years of temporary employment, I took a risk in applying for the Media Manager position when it unexpectedly became available. (Basically this is the library teacher, or librarian.) Did I ever plan on ever trying for a role like this? No. But I had to take the risk, thinking that the outcome might be worth it. And guess what? I got the job! So effective very soon, I shall commandeer an elementary library, where the world of knowledge is unleashed. Can you imagine a job better than fostering curiosity in young minds? Me neither!IMG_4682
  9. Band Aids most likely won’t help with the removal of pain. But to a first grader, they do. So just give them a Band Aid.
  10. Never think that any two school years will be the same. Likewise, never think that any two students will be the same. Truthfully, it is our outlandish privilege to be entrusted with the care of our students every day. We get to watch out for, look after, teach, care for, wonder with, and smile upon the very light of somebody’s life, day after day. And after a year, they so easily become our light too. There is no better place to be, no better gig to get.

So with that. HELLO summer! What do you say we get this party started?!

(As in, what do you say we get into that library and get some paper onto those bulletin boards?! Help, anyone?)

Post Script: My biggest congratulations to my friend and kindergarten teacher extraordinaire Missy! After years of hard work, she completed her masters degree this week. I can assure you that there will be many thoughts from C building heading directly to your E1 next year. We were an awesome team and you are simply the best!

As Long As We Both Shall Live

 For our fifteenth anniversary:

I, Tracy12-16-10-36

take you Bradley,6-27-14

for my lawfully wedded husband.dsc_0192

To havedsc_0199

and to hold6-18-32

from this day forward.dsc_0190

For better,10-28 Howk (121)

and for worse.8-30-5

For richer,12-12-10-4

and for poorer.2-26-27

In sickness1-15-6

and in health.img_1240

To loveimg_3658

and to cherish.8-30-3

As long as we both shall live.6-7-38

My Bradley,

Its been fifteen years now, in your arms. You are my swooning, my life worth living. Your smile is my smile and your tears have been shared in my eyes. From our togetherness comes strength of mind and of character. Your love is my fortune. Our laughter is apparent and my adoration is evident. We love only from a love first given, a love above all else. You are here, so am I, isn’t it a beautiful life?

Yours forever, Babe

PS. I loved that bleached blonde fresh-from-Australia hair back when we were 20. But damn mister, I really must say, the older you get, the finer you become. We’ve had a lot of better and some devastating worse, a lot of wonderful health and our fair share of sick. I chose to keep the rawest photos to ourselves, because we know what they looked like and how we loved each other through them. Happy anniversary hot stuff; its been a pleasure getting to know you.

One more, just for fun…(and because it has the best pet that ever lived.)dsc_0197

Lessons of Becoming Clara

Sometimes I write because I have something to say. Today I write because I have something to remember.

Dearest Daughter,

This year you were given the chance of a lifetime. The sometimes intimidating, thickly-accented, former professional ballet dancer turned instructor and owner told you that you had been selected to perform as Clara in the 2016 The Nutcracker. You cried; for the first time ever in your life, you cried tears of happiness. You will never forget that perfect moment.

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Chandler Photography

Over the following several months you embarked on the journey of becoming Clara. You learned quite a few life-lessons along the way.

1. Be Humble. This is the one and only year that you had a shot at getting this role, and the same goes for all of the other lovely girls in your class. You left the studio that day on a high, whereas many of them left with great disappointment. You empathized with them, because you could relate to how hard it would have been had you not been chosen. You remained humble. Excited (and overly chatty in the dressing room at times), but humble. The girls in your class were incredible in their roles and in their support of you and you must be thankful for their kindnesses.

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Chandler Photography

2. Dedication and Confidence. After we made a few phone calls to grandparents and beloved cousins, you got straight to practicing. You never stopped until the big weekend arrived. You were diligent in rehearsing. You also found your footing in confidence. You stood tall and even when you weren’t quite sure of the next step or pantomime, you behaved in confidence and ability. Because you are confident and able, in ballet and in life.

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Chandler Photography

3. Dealing with Nerves. You came down with a serious case of the nerves the day before the first full cast rehearsal. You were feeling physically sick and your normally cheerful attitude converted into silence. We handled it though, didn’t we? We talked about deep breathing. We looked out the window and enjoyed the sights, sounds, and smells of the world that was carrying on all around you. Your nerves got the better of you that day, but the next day you arrived at the studio ready to go and after that, you never let nerves grab a hold of you again. Those same nerves will appear each time you go for something new. I think you learned some purposeful ways of rising above and it will go with you.

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Chandler Photography

4. Enjoying the Journey. You were living on a constant high and I knew that it would hurt when you landed on the ground again. So I told you this spur of the moment fable that my mommy-mind created for you: There was a little boy who had the privilege to ride the train to Disneyland. He was so anxious to get to the Happiest Place on Earth that he didn’t think to enjoy the train ride there. He didn’t take time to look around him and to see the passing scenery. Yes, of course Disneyland was the destination, but his time there would be over in a flash and all that would remain was the memory. Instead, he should enjoy the whole journey, all of the stops and moments along the way. You understood my meaning and I knew that you had grasped it when one day after school you told me that you found yourself enjoying the trees on the playground and totally free from thoughts regarding Clara. To be truthful, I still have to intentionally stop to enjoy the scenery in life too.

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Chandler Photography

5. Even the Boys will Come. People came from all over the place to see you perform, when that wonderful weekend arrived. Your grandma came for a whole week. Your beloved cousins, aunts and uncles all made their arrival in town. You had numerous girlfriends from school and other places come to see the show. But here’s the kicker: even the boys came. We have so many friends that have two or three sons, no daughters, and even they came to see you. This is a rarity, and their parents had to feign their appearance as adding ‘culture’ into the young men’s lives. You were grateful, as many people missed important performances and practices of their own to see a ballet. Rumor has it that they even liked it.

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Chandler Photography

6. Staying Humble. The weekend brought you lots of love and support and flowers and gifts and attention and interviews and hugs and sweets and special treatments. I was concerned, unfoundedly so, that this would create an ego within you. But you stayed humble and cheerful and supportive of everyone in the show, from those with the smallest parts to those with the biggest. I am proud of your ability to stay sweet in the face of such splendor. Please promise me that you will remain this way. Humility is a key to a happy life.

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Chandler Photography

7. Finishing Strong. There came a time in the tiny bathroom at the last performance when I told you that it would be your last time putting on Clara’s beautiful dress. You acknowledged this fact and carried on as if it was only the beginning. Perhaps it is only the beginning for you. Your love of ballet expanded somehow from wide to wider and your aspirations of pointe shoes and platter tutus only grew bigger. In your journey of becoming Clara, you became more you too. You grew up some. You handled pressure like a pro. You crossed paths at silly and sweet and mature and graceful.

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Chandler Photography

8. In the Midst of this Dream Coming True, Another Dream Sparked. The night after the last performance, after thousands of people witnessed the wonder of the incredible talents withheld at Central Oregon School of Ballet, you released. You cried, as you do each time a ballet performance comes to an end. You  were sad, but it wasn’t all about Clara. It was about performing. You knew that it would be a while before your next time on stage. It was about the other dancers, and knowing that the wonderful friends who aren’t in your class, would suddenly be absent from your life for a while. I understand this letdown, and I held you through the tears. But you know what? This says to me that you were made for the stage in ballet. You will go as far as your determined little self will take you. You must shoot for the stars. Who knows? Maybe one day you will get to appear in that magical Sugar Plum Fairy’s purple tutu that you love so much.

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Chandler Photography

I’m proud of you.

Mom

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The Election: From Their Eyes

So here’s the thing: I refuse to write anything political on social media because 1. You don’t care about my political views (and similarly, I’m not particularly concerned about yours) and 2. My vote counts equally as much regardless of my Facebook feed.

But…what about the kids? This post is only and completely about the kids.

Perfectly timed this week was a reading curriculum for my third grade group that talked about the government. It had vocabulary words like Election, Convince, Announced, Candidates, and Independence. We conversed about these words and I was surprised by the wide variation of their previous knowledge about the US government. It was evident that some kids were almost oblivious to the election season and others were retaining the (sometimes strong) views of their families.fullsizerender

I left that conversation feeling both energized by the time that I had been given to talk to these wonderful little folks about our awesome system of government and also somewhat saddened by their perceptions of it. OF US. (By ‘us’, I am referring to the adults of this country as a whole. I acknowledge that many of us have handled this election differently, but for the sake of simplicity here, I am lumping us into one big observable group as seen by young eyes.)

A few trademark moments.

“I don’t trust either candidate so I wouldn’t vote at all.”

“Trump! All the way.”

“We could have the first ever girl president!”

“I have family in Mexico and I’m worried that Trump will build a big wall between us and them. I still want to see my family.”

“I’d vote for my mom.”

“If Clinton wins, we can’t have guns and then we can’t protect ourselves.”

“I wish Michelle Obama was a candidate.”

“Why can’t Barack Obama just keep being president?”

I was glad to see them genuinely interested and engaged in the conversation. I restrained myself from offering my own opinions, of which I gave none, and also some concerned facial expressions by how heated they became with each other over this. They looked JUST LIKE US.

We spent some extra time on the word ‘convince’. Not only is this a handy word to focus on in reading group because the ‘c’ makes both of its sounds in one word, but also the meaning of the word ‘convince’. I told them that as their reading group teacher I might try to convince them to read and enjoy a lot of books. Their dentist hopes to convince them to floss their teeth. We brought it back around the the topic of government and specifically, what a candidate could do to ‘convince’ someone to vote for them.

Here was the group consensus: 

“To get someone to vote for you, you must say a lot of really bad things about the other person.”

Am I the only one who is embarrassed by this? It seems to me that we have fallen significantly short of showing the very respect to one another that we expect these young people to demonstrate.

So I was thinking perhaps we could add some words to our own vocabulary list. Kindness. Integrity. Goodwill. Compassion. Opinion. Character. Honor. Listen. Sincerity. Example.

In the end, we steered away from the US government, the one in which we are brilliantly honored to be a part of, to the classroom. We decided to hold our own election for which class pet they might theoretically enjoy. The candidates were Cat and Turtle. We convinced each other why our chosen candidate would be the best class pet. We cast a ballot and then announced the winner. Let’s just say this: if the government was seeking a turtle for president, it would be a landslide. fullsizerender-1

They are watching and they are absorbing. I’m afraid of what a debacle we’ve already made of this big political mess and I’m concerned about the poor example we have demonstrated for our youngest generation. So here’s what I’d like to convince you do try:

How about we pull it together these next few days? How about we show them the tremendous honor of voting and our ability to have both opinions and kindness. I think we can do it and more importantly, I think we owe it to our cherished youth.

Raising a Girl in the World of Mainstream

8.1 (20)Oh summer! Hasn’t it been lovely? I work at school and I get summer off (which is AWESOME!) so I rarely dress up and I really rarely fancify my hair or wear makeup in the summer months. Yesterday though, after months of glorious mascara-freedom, I had to (read: chose to) wear makeup for some professional photos. My seven year old daughter asked me “why do you have black stuff on your eyelashes?” That’s a great question isn’t it? You try answering that to a little girl who you’ve told over and over again that beauty is on the inside and that the way she looks on the outside is perfectly her and beautifully created.

It got me thinking. There are so many very strange things that we do to ourselves in this world that are considered mainstream. 6.14 (2)We have seen and done them for so long that they just seem normal now, but to young eyes they seem off kilter, because in reality, they really are off-kilter. For instance:

Nail polish. Its totally normal and acceptable to paint our fingernails with colored paint and it is considered pretty. Because, why exactly?

High heels. We walk on a little pogo stick underneath our heel and its considered fancy and sexy. Clearly our feet are not angled at a 45 and they are not meant to put our entire weight onto the ball of our foot. high heelsDid you know that they make high heels for little girls now? I’m not talking about dress up stuff, but like, real high heels for small youth sizes. I’ve explained to my daughter, who sees these on her first grade classmates, that she can’t have them because they aren’t good for her developing feet bones. “Well then why do you wear them?” Uh, (in a sheepish and unconvinced tone) because my feet bones are done developing. Really though, we all know that they aren’t good for us.

makeupMakeup. I already kind of covered this, but I was wondering, have you watched Survivor? They are makeupless and razorless for 40 days and the viewers get used to seeing them in their natural state. But then the finale. They arrive all dolled and hairsprayed up and you can’t even recognize them. Why is this mainstream? Why aren’t natural eyelashes ok? Why are freckles hidden? I just don’t get this. I go along with it, but I don’t get it.

Carl’s Jr Commercials.  I know that bacon cheeseburgers are best enjoyed near scantily clad women riding mechanical bulls, but kids don’t. Ok, I don’t either. In fact, this one really irks me. Wecheeseburger mostly restrict TV to PBS kids (yay for commercial free!) but the NFL and the Olympics are not commercial free. So we ask the kids to turn off the TV during commercials so that they’re innocent minds aren’t disturbed with nearly naked women. I HATE this! I don’t want my girl thinking that ladies behave that way and I don’t want my boy thinking that ladies should behave that way.

People MagazinePeople Magazine. Men in clothes that cover everything other than their heads and necks, next to a women wearing breast bearing tanks and booty showing shorts. This is a serious double standard! I don’t want to see the men wear anything less, I’d like to see self respecting women wear normal attire and be respected just the same. Have you noticed that little girl shorts are high to mid thigh and little boy shorts are knee length? WTH?

I better stop before my blood pressure raises any more than it already has. From what I’ve already written here, you probably think that we watch an exorbitant amount of TV, which we don’t at all, but it is where most of these instances are seen. That, and grocery store isles. And billboards. And smartphone app ads. My point here: it is everywhere. It is mainstream and that’s the whole point.

I can not hide my kids from the world. More importantly, I will not try to hide my kids from the world. swansThey are going to fly my coop and see all of this stuff eventually. I believe that my job as a mom is to be there when they see the dangers of the world little by little so that when they leave they aren’t shocked by the world that they live in. I will not even come close to exposing the whole world to their young minds, and I hope that some of these things they never discover for themselves, but they can’t avoid all of society and so I’m here to explain and love them through the life lessons of youth.

Back to the point. My girl will probably grow up to wear makeup and shave her armpits and wear high heels because that is what the majority of what us women do. I don’t think that this is all that bad. I participate too and I don’t plan on trying to reform any of this, it doesn’t matter that much to me. In all honestly, the older I get, the more zoombiish I look without lip color. This stuff isn’t really the problem.

I want to teach my girl how to be a lady when she is surrounded by brackish and narrowly dressed women. I want her to know that she is beautiful because she just is, not because of cleavage and pogo sticks. 7.19 (12)I want her to value people regardless of their looks and style choices. That somebody who has greasy hair is as valuable as somebody who has designer shoes, and that that person is as valuable as a woman who is bold enough to accept her natural self and be free from all cosmetic enhancements. It is my goal for her leave my home with a balanced sense of self, to know that regardless of her choices in the world of mainstream, that she is worth more than all that the mainstream has to offer AND so are all of the other women around her.

10-28 Howk (104)I know that these lessons will mostly come from my example as a woman in this world. I can’t save her from what her peers say about the world. I can’t influence her every thought and protect her from every image. What I can do is to chose self respect and positive self speak. I chose stylish modesty and can demonstrate that these two things can actually go quite well together. I can display polite behavior and ladylike mannerisms; showing that femininity can intersect at dirt and sports and tea parties. She probably won’t slide through life unscathed and unscarred but I will do my best to raise up her strengths and boundaries, her self worth and her value for others. This all seems nearly impossible, but I’m up for the challenge. She is so, SO worth it!

 

 

A Widening Chasm

Its happening; a chasm. A timeline to explain:

2006: our son is born

2007: our son changes from baby to toddler

2008: our daughter is born

2009: we have a toddler and a baby and they are different because of this age variation

2010-2015: our son and daughter become ‘kids’ and are very much similar in their needs and abilities

2016: a chasm cracked and things are changing

He is changing at a rate faster than she is. She is still completely in the land of ‘kid’ and he is taking a step out of ‘kid’ into somewhere new and unfamiliar to our family.

He doesn’t need a car seat. She does. She wants to watch PBS kids. He wants to watch the Olympics (and I can’t blame him for that. I do too!)

He can’t wait until the day that he can stay home alone, whereas she loves being by my side everywhere I go. She mostly obliges to our household chores and expectations. He challenges.

She plays with toys. His toys are collecting dust and spider webs.

She thinks that I am her favorite person and awesome in practically every way. (But really, who doesn’t? 😉 ) I’m fairly certain that he realizes that mom is kind of lame in some ways. (Although he hasn’t admitted this out loud, I’ll admit it for him.)

And yet…

They both reach out for my hand when we are walking together. They both love my hugs and affection. They want me to sing to them when I tuck them in and they want me to lay next to them and read my book while they fall asleep. They both wake up each morning with a chipper “good morning mom!”

They play together like kids too. In imaginary places hidden in our backyard.

They self admittedly want my guidance in social interactions with new adults and elderly people. Sometimes these things make them feel somewhat nervous and I’m their guide on how to look at people in the eyes and speak loudly enough to old ears to hear them.

We’ve all lived in the land of ‘kids’ for several years now where everything is pretty much the same. Same expectations, same bedtimes, same capabilities. Now he is starting to launch ahead and I can see it happening at its very beginning. I’m watching the very creation of a new era. He is still a kid, but he is being pulled and stretched into a new place.

This is where I am supposed to wrap this blog post into some kind of shiny package that sums up my thoughts with a bow on top. I am unprepared to do this. I’ve been roosting on this shift and trying to think of a good message to take away from it, but I don’t have one. What I have is only this:

Parenting is hard. He’s buckling in for the ride of a lifetime and I’m cinching my belt in the seat right next to him. He might not like it all of the time, and he might desperately need it sometimes, but I’m taking this journey with him because I am his mom. I don’t know how to do this. I’ve learned a lot in the land of ‘kids’ and I know practically nothing about what will come next. I’ll learn. I’ll be challenged. I’ll see him through. A time (many years from now) will come to let go, it seems like I cut more apron strings all of the time, but for now, its you and me buddy. We’ll give it our best go. And also: I love you.

 

 

Reasons My Blog Sits Vacant

Hi Guys,

Don’t you just love summer?! Its the time of year that I feel most alive; most active and happy.

I don’t however, love having my blog sit empty for months at a time. Every hit I see on my site with nothing new to read, I feel two things: Appreciative (thanks SO much for reading!) and Guilty. So I thought I should give up some answers for the crickets.

Here’s the thing. I love writing. It fills a piece of me that nothing else can. Blogging gives me an outlet for this longing and I love blogging for this reason. But also: I love living. More than writing. And so sometimes I chose to just go out there and live, which means simultaneously forsaking the blog. By living I mean…

  • Camping. With friends, parents, ourselves. Whoever and wherever. Just living in the wilderness far, far away from my laptop.
  • Traveling. Most recently to British Columbia and Shasta Lake. Who has time to blog when there are conversations to be had?
  • Reading! So far this summer I’ve engaged myself in the Catcher in the Rye, Girl with the Pearl Earring, and Breakfast at Tiffany’s. All new to me and all now highly recommended by me. I gave up on Virginia Wolfe’s A Room of One’s Own. I just couldn’t choke it down.
  • Writing. Yes, I know these are reasons why I’m not blogging, but writing is a whole different thing. I am writing, just not blog posts. What I am writing will be revealed to our awesome friends sometime in February in the form of an invitation with the words ‘Murder Mystery’!

There’s one more important thing for me to add here. Blogging is not my career and it is not my upmost hobby either. Good bloggers write frequently to keep their readers engaged. By several accounts I am far from a good blogger. And yet, I find something really freeing about only writing when I have something valuable enough to write about. I don’t throw random shallow-water posts into the internet wind just to fill word quotas. (I’m not naming names, Yahoo News.) I don’t have to do this because I am not controlled by any bosses or sponsors. So I save my space for things that mean something to me. Sometimes I have to save up a few thoughts and let them develop before I project them out there into the big wide unknown.

So thanks guys. Thanks for being patient when you click on drippingorange only to find the same post from a month ago. If you can, just look through your screen and imagine me out there doing whatever I love and know that my happy place is often away from my own screen. I’ll get you something new to read. At some point. In the meantime, I hope you’ll join me in living. What do you say we go camping?! Or gardening? I’ve got some pests on my chard that I don’t know what to about.

Loving summer,

Tracy

 

179 Day Contract

In a few short days I will reenter retirement. After another year as an Educational Assistant at a local elementary school, I now get the biggest reward: summer break! I’ll enjoy these easy-breezy days, knowing that come September, I’ll have to reapply for this job that I love. I have a 179 day contract. I took a brief moment to journal each evening. Here’s a quick (cough!) recap.

T-Minus 14. Job interview. Nervous.

T-Minus 5. FINALLY heard that I got the job. Yay!

T-Minus 4. New shoes. Just part of the job.

T-Minus 2. I wish for perpetual summer.

Day 1. Rescued praying mantis from the loving grip of a first grader.

Day 12. Sweet A is convinced that my name is Mrs. Hikes. Day 25. Still, Mrs. Hikes.

FullSizeRender2Day 14. Slide on the bum, not the tum. Its the rule.

Day 17. Reading groups start today. I LOVE teaching!

Day 23. Took both 2nd and 3rd grade reading groups outside. 83 degrees.

Day 28. No less than 3 kids puked.

Day 32. Newly installed whiteboard in my happy hallway teaching corner.

Day 34. 2016 Oregon Teacher of the Year at our school! Well deserved, love her!

Day 36. Halloween Parties. I wore cat ears because most of the kids wouldn’t know who Wilma Flintstone is.

Day 38. Venus Fly Trap video in reading group. Girls: “Gross!” Boys “Cool!”

Day 44. LICE OUTBREAK! Day 52. LICE OUTBREAK CONTINUES!

Day 55. The Gingerbread Man arrived in kindergarten.

Day 58. The Great Glitter Fiasco of 2015.

Day 61. The roof is leaking in several places.

IMG_2747Day 63. I asked 6 teachers for white paint. There is a white paint shortage.

Day 64. Snow Day!

Day 65. Christmas Break. Two glorious weeks.

Day 66. (Two glorious weeks later.) Back in the saddle again.

Day 70. Friday! I went skiing the second I left the school.

Day 71. The kinder teacher that I work with is truly the best.

Day 76. Three of my 3rd graders graduated out of my reading group. Miss those sweet faces, but also so proud and happy for them.

Day 79. ‘Hoping’ and ‘hopping’ are difficult for kids and adults alike.

IMG_2774Day 80. Library tours for both new groups. Our librarian is awesome.

Day 85. “Why does the American flag have 13 stripes?”

Day 89. 65 degrees in February! Recess just became awesome again.

Day 91. Our school was stormed. Summit High School Call to Kindness.

Day 92. Abe Lincoln Chatterpix. Day 97. George Washington Chatterpix.

FullSizeRenderDay 94. Third grade field trip dogsledding adventure.

Day 100. When I am 100 I will…

Day 101. Dr. Seuss door décor. Oh! The Places You’ll Go!

Day 102. Jump rope helicopter.

Day 108. Oh, second grade.

Day 109. Given new opportunity. Day 111. First day in PAWS.IMG_2631

Day 113. Fire drill scared the bejesus out of me.

Day 114. Oregon governor, Kate Brown, at our school today for technology tour.

Day 115. Spring Break; coming right up.

Day 116. Spring Break; over in a flash.

Day 117. Its Tuesday and I’m just really tired.

Day 122. Played chess in PAWS. I enjoy the kids in there.

Day 127. I heard 49 days left.

IMG_2884Day 131. It was a good Monday.

Day 133. Staff vs Students basketball game.

Day 134. I brought my typewriter to kinder today.

Day 136. I pulled a muscle drop kicking a soccer ball. I have NEVER pulled a muscle before.

Day 137. My least favorite title: Duty Teacher.

Day 140 – Day 144. Staff appreciation week. Love this week as a PTO and a staff.

Day 145. Principal asked me to teach a Friendship Group. Day 148. First Friendship Group.

Day 159. Synchronized swimming in talent show.

Day 161. Little L has been playing the recorder on the playground. Music to my ears…(??)

Day 162. After work special ed. party.FullSizeRender

Day 163. And with that…only two weeks left.

Day 168. Juniper Film Festival! The atmosphere is abuzz.

Presumptive last week: Recycling bins all full.

Presumptive LAST DAY: In the words of (the great?) Alice Cooper…SCHOOL’S OUT FOR SUMMER!!

I never hesitate coming to work because my days are filled with little learning brains and pleasant coworkers, many of whom harbor an amazing sense of humor. We really just have an incredible school.

And now…onto those retirement plans. Namely, camping and a serious lack of mascara.

Dedicated to Missy in Kindergarten. Your friendship has been my year’s biggest reward. Here’s hoping to do it all again next year!

On 9 1/2 Years of Parenthood

My sweet sonshiny son is 9 1/2 years old, which means that double digits (and everything that goes along with that) is soon upon us. This also means that I have successfully survived 9 1/2 years of parenthood (and everything that goes along with that too).

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9 1/2 years of holding hands.

9 1/2 years of ‘mom.’ The best gig ever. Parents of teenagers don’t appear to feel this way, so I am clinging and hoping for the best.

9 1/2 years of not ever once going to the bathroom without being interrupted.

9 1/2 years of fear and trepidation about every kind of ‘what if’. Times one hundred.

9 1/2 years of kissing his sleeping profile when I turn in for the night.

9 1/2 years of (not so) secretly enjoying marshmallow cereal right alongside him.

9 1/2 years of acting like I know what I’m doing. Which has actually resulted in mostly knowing what I’m doing. I anticipate this confidence shifting with those double digits.

8.16 (69)9 1/2 years of understanding that my own inquisitiveness, which now resides in him too, might have gotten on my parents’ nerves on occasion.

9 1/2 years of laughter.

9 1/2 years of desperate prayers for protection and wisdom.

11.25 (73)9 1/2 years of keeping the little in my little boy. I know that this will change with double digits. That is good and normal and quite frightening.

9 1/2 years of memorizing BMX skills, monster truck names, and NFL quarterbacks. Included here is 9 1/2 years of mustering up interest in things that don’t naturally interest me.

9 1/2 years of being (perceived as) a cool mom. I realize that double digits might change this.

9 1/2 years of respecting this little blonde person.

9 1/2 years of fooling and joking with each other and the humor of sarcasm. This, I might regret.

12.16 (6)9 1/2 years of daredevil shenanigans. Rarely resulting in stitches, thank God.

9 1/2 years of attending sports practices, sports games, sports events, sports anything and everything.

9 1/2 attempted years of developing his palate away from mac n cheese to anything with spice or sauce. We’ve come a long way on this one. Thank you red pepper flakes.

9 1/2 years of realization that he is not mine. He is his own.

9 1/2 years of books. Board. Story. Chapter. Parenting.

9 1/2 years of mistakes and forgivenesses. This is very much a two way street.

9 1/2 years of beloved dog and duck.

9 1/2 years of reminders.

9 1/2 years of elastic waistbands. For him, you guys.

9 1/2 years of spoon-feeding the knowledge of dangers and evils and self preservation.

5.22.10 (3)9 1/2 years of wishing that this would never end. My feet now fit into his shoes for crying out loud.

9 1/2 years of the exact same made up nighttime song. And also Puff the Magic Dragon.

9 1/2 years of trusting strangers to teach and lookout for him; at school, at church, coaches and just folks in nearby vehicles.

9 1/2 years of ‘this is cool’ and ‘this is no longer cool’.

9 1/2 years of enthusiastic conversations. We are similar in this way.

3.22 (33)9 1/2 years of congratulatory knowledge that I picked the best guy to parent alongside. His dad is dreamy.

9 1/2 years of anxiety about watching this all slip away.

9 1/2 years of camping. That’s a lot of cold nights in Oregon.

9 1/2 years of listening to him talk to himself. I hope this never ends. Then again, it would be strange if it didn’t ever end. Isn’t that just the case with all the cutenesses of kids? They have to end at some point or we would have a lot of strange adults walking (and I guess, crawling) around.

9 1/2 of the best years of my life.

“Let’s have a baby,” we said. “It’ll be fun.” we said. 9 1/2 years ago we made the best decision of our lives.  7.18 (55)

Dedicated to my sweet boy. You, darling child, are everything.